American Grown

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I just finished reading Bringing Up Bébé by Pamela Drunkerman and had a very interesting discussion with my playgroup and other friends.  Some moms were extremely insulted by how the American mom is portrayed, but I didn’t feel this way.  If you’re a parent, I highly recommend reading it.  It made me wonder how my American (half English) boys would be different if they weren’t growing up in America.

My American Boy

Would they be more independent?

Would they have a more adult palette?

Would they be better behaved?

And how would I, as parent, be different?  I am currently a stay at home mom, but in Paris many women go back to work when their children are 6 months and put them in a creche system (state subsidized) where they spend the day socializing and dining at a three course lunch.  I was salivating when reading about the fancy menus their children dine on.  The fried food offered in our school lunch rooms leaves a lot to be desired.

As a French mother, would I be less frazzled (as the book seems to think)?

Would I be more strict?

Would I have some kind of high flying career?

Druckerman’s book is quite interesting, partly because she herself is American, but raising her children in Paris.  She appreciates the French system despite struggling and feeling guilty about putting her daughter in the creche – but her daughter thrives.  She is also able to poke fun at herself and her parenting.

An important difference between America and France is in America many families push their children from an early age to be the best at whatever they are doing.  They sign their son or daughter up for a million activities (a la the soccer or hockey mom).  I have seen this with so many families growing up in Andover and also bringing up our kids here in Scituate.  In Paris it seems they allow their children some down time, some time to be bored.  If your child has a chance to be bored then they will have to be creative and entertain themselves.

Another important ideal in France is autonomy.  According to the author, “Dolto [a French doctor and psychoanalyst] is most certainly right that autonomy is one of a child’s most basic needs.”  In Paris, parents give their children jobs and tasks.  In doing so, their children feel a great sense of achievement.  I think this is true.  I see it most with our two year old who will not let me close the door of the car or tries to wipe his bottom himself because he says, “Do it myself, Mommy.”

As many of you know, I like to do crafts and cooking with my kids.  In France they allow their children to make a yogurt cake and I was dying to let Conor try this.  The main thing is that the child is to measure and mix the ingredients on their own.  Measuring the ingredients with an empty yogurt container.

I did need to help Conor a bit, but he did most of it on his own and he was so proud of himself!

From Bringing Up Bébé

2 six ounce containers of plain whole milk yogurt (we used fat free)
2 eggs
2 containers of sugar (we used one)
1 teaspoon vanilla
Just under one container vegetable oil
4 Containers of Flour
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
Creme Fraiche (optional) (we didn’t do this)


Use vegetable oil to grease a 9 in round cake pan or loaf tin.  We used Pam spray.


Gently combine the yogurt, eggs, sugar, vanilla and oil.  In a separate boil, mix the flower and baking powder.  Add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients; mix gently until ingredients are just combined.  You can add 2 containers of frozen berries, a container of chocolate chips (we did the chocolate chips) or any flavouring you like.  Bake for 35 minutes (our’s took longer as it was very wet in the middle), then five minutes more if the cake doesn’t pass the knife test.  It should be almost crispy on the outside, but springy on the inside.  Let it cool….

We loved the cake and Conor was so proud of himself telling Daddy and John that he made it for them.  Doesn’t it look delicious?

Yogurt Cake with Chocolate Chips – so yummy!

I really enjoyed this book and how it was written.  I have definitely tried to take some of the criticisms of American parenting on board and am trying to do some things the French way, but it is hard to know if I as a mother or my children would be different if we lived in France.  No parent or child is perfect, but I feel so lucky to be their mom and I’m trying my best to mold them into the grown ups they will become.

John & I