Motherhood, Blogging and Side Hustles

The other day I met up with a friend for coffee in Scituate Harbor. It had been a few years since we’d seen each other in person but we chat regularly online and on social media. We went to my favorite little coffee shop, The Lucky Finn, which was the perfect spot to have an honest chat about life, careers, motherhood. etc.

I think there comes a time in every mom’s life when she wonders, “What should I be doing?” My friend has children younger than mine. Her son just went to kindergarten so she finds that she has some extra free time and is wondering what her next step should be. Honestly, I felt like I was looking at a mirror of myself, listening to her. I had those same feelings when Conor started Kindergarten. I threw myself into a few local art classes – taking watercolor, drawing, and working every moment on my blog. I wanted my time to mean something, to make a difference.

I’m not sure why this is, but if you’re a stay at home mom and meet other moms and your kids are of a certain age, you get kind of weird look if you say you’re still home when the kids are in school. This certainly wouldn’t have been the case back in the 1950s or 60s. I don’t know why moms can’t support other moms. Honestly, it’s such a hard job.

Anyway, my friend is looking for direction. What should her “thing” be? What should her side hustle be?

I told her this is a great time to experiment and see what she wants to do.

Following Passions

I’m by no means an expert.

I just follow things that interest me.

Maybe I should back up and share my story with you guys, especially if you’re new around here. Back when the kids were very, very little. Conor was 2 and John was 5 1/2 I just felt like I needed to do something creative. Something that wasn’t laundry, cleaning, or cooking. I went to hear Jamie Cat Callan speak at Buttonwood Books and she said if you want to write you should start a blog. Hmmm, a blog. Well, why would anyone want to read what I wrote on a blog? One day we were walking with the boys and Poppy up around Minot Beach and I told Luke what Jamie said. He said to me, “Well, I’m gonna start a blog.” I said, “You are! Well, I’m gonna start one, too.”

That’s how this blog started.

I wrote every single day.

The photos were crappy, but I was so happy to be writing. Then little by little people started reading my blog. Little by little my writing got better, my photography got better.

BUT if I judged my photos and my writing back then I would never, ever have started the blog. I look at those old posts and cringe.

What If You Fail?

There’s all sorts of fear involved with tackling new things. I know we all have that little voice in our heads that says, “Really? You shouldn’t even bother…” “Or no one will want that, will read that, or _______.” Yup, EVERYONE has that negative nelly voice in their head. If someone tells you they never have doubts they’re lying.

Usually, I find I’m the most afraid to do something when I really love it. I was so scared to share my watercolors at first because I really loved doing it. I was scared to announce my Design Services because I was worried someone would say something mean or negative.

I realize on the other side of the screen things may always look perfect. It may look like everything is a success and fun and exciting. But I’ve had lots of BIG, huge disappointments. I thought I’d share a few to show you what I’ve learned from them.

The Antique Mall and Antique Markets

Early on in my blogging, I decided to open a booth at a local antique mall. I’d listed furniture on Etsy but had no way to ship it. I thought if people saw my furniture in person they’d buy it. Well, I sold some pieces but some months I didn’t sell anything. Then there was getting down to the booth with little Conor in tow. After 6 months, I gave up the booth. I felt defeated. We loaded the truck up and brought everything home. I didn’t go back to the antique mall for a year. I just couldn’t face that I failed so bad. I went back, a year later. I realized there 1. weren’t many people visiting this antique mall, 2. the lighting wasn’t great and things looked kind of shabby as a result and 3. most of the items were smalls in other booths. I came to the realization this wasn’t the right place to sell furniture. You need to find the right audience. That was the same lesson I learned doing Duxbury Antique Show. People that go to that show want real antiques NOT painted furniture. I did sell some things but it wasn’t the success I sought. In the end I found more success – painting furniture for people, displaying furniture at my friend’s gallery, and hosting open studios here in home.

Hives at Haven

You guys are going to laugh when I tell you this. A few years ago, I taught an advanced painting class with my friend Rachel at Haven Blog Conference. I was also promoting my eBook and I’d worked myself up into a jumble. I was so nervous about getting up in front of my peers and teaching them techniques. It sounds so crazy, as I was a theater major and never had any issues about getting up on stage before. I made myself so nervous I broke out in hives. Ha! Ha! Our class went fine and was even better the second time around.

Rejection Letters

One day I dream of writing a book. Two books actually. Well, to be honest I have more than two ideas. Anyway, I was in discussions with a publisher a few years back and I thought it was a done deal. They’d approved my photography and we were just fine tuning content and I got an email saying they thought my idea was too niche. I cried a big, ugly cry. Poor Luke and my mom listening to me. The same thing happened again this fall….

I know when the timing is right the book will happen but it hurts so bad to be rejected.

The Need to Pivot

So usually, when I come up against one of these “failures” it makes me realize whatever it is, just isn’t working. Then after being disappointed or crying or eating lots of pasta and washing it down with wine, I start thinking about what interests me, what I want to do and how I can make it happen. My mom says, I get it from my dad, but I think I get this determination from both of them. I learned so much watching them run a family restaurant for 10 years.

As many of you know 2018 was a hard year for me. I had eye surgery and my dad passed away. It possibly was the hardest year of my life. I’m so grateful to my husband, kids, and my mom for helping me through it. BUT this year made me refocus on what was important to ME. What did I want? Why was I writing the blog? What did I hope to achieve? I started this blog as a creative outlet. I never thought that it would be a job. I never thought I would have had certain experiences or met so many amazing & creative people as I have with this blog. I will always blog because I love it.

What I don’t love is all the games with social media. A blogger can have tons of followers on Instagram or Facebook but if those social media sites decide not to show posts then no one sees them. So if you love a blog or a blogger subscribe to their email so you get their updates. You might be missing a lot of content and not even realize it.

This year I felt the need to pivot.

I felt the need to help people.

The desire to help people design spaces that they can live in.

I may not know everything about design but I’m eager to learn and I’m learning by doing it!

You Don’t Need to know how to do it all

My friend told me she heard that she should have a plan in place or that she needed to do x, y and z before she started. I listened to her, but told her I didn’t agree with all those “experts”. You don’t need to have all the systems in place or have a name and a tag line, or a beautifully designed webpage. It might be nice to have all those things eventually. As an entrepreneur, as a creative, you will learn only by doing the thing you want to do. It may change a million times but if you keep waiting for the right name, the right camera, the right _______…. you may be waiting forever.

You Just Need to Start

I don’t want this to sound cliche. If you want to do something. If you want to write a blog, or become a photographer, or graphic designer. You need to do some reading and learning but really you just need to start. That passion, that determination, it will take you where you need to go.

If you’re at home reading this.

Thinking I want to ________________.

I hope this post will be your permission to start today.

If you’re looking for more inspiration you might like my Creativity Over Coffee series. I’m excited to interview loads more inspiring friends and family members this year!

I want to recommend the following Podcasts, I’m inspired by them each time I listen:

Akimbo by Seth Godin

How I Built This With Guy Raz

The Little Yellow Couch